Thursday, May 19, 2005

My new place

Here's what I'm setting up for keeping notes on my adventures as a new mum:

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Nell's New Place

She's just toooooooooo cute.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

One Week Later

I've got pics, oh have I got PICS!!!!!!!! More pictures than you can shake a stick at. Unfortunately for you internets, they are still on the camera so no pics for you at this exact moment.

I'm thinking that I'll be wrapping up this little blog soon. Nell is no longer the pod, and deserves her own blog to fully glorify her unholy cuteness. I think I may go back to posting non Nell/family stuff at

When I set up Nell's new home I'll let you know the url.

Meanwhile. Here we are! One week later! Time seems to travel at a snail's pace and at breakneck speed at the same time.

I have two (human) babies on my hands as D has been sick for the past few days. I think he ate a bad shrimp at dinner Wednesday, so he's been gutted for the last few days. The other baby is crusing along just fine. She's a baby. So she has great days, and not so great days (well, let's face it, they are all great for her...but for the sleep deprived moi, the days with more sleep are better than those with less).

I know it's too early yet, but I swear to you, Ms. Cheeky Chops already smiles and tries to charm us. She's a champion eater, and a champion diaper filler. Her dad is doing quite a fine job of cleaning her bottom, despite his trepidations in advance.

Our house is in a state of barely contained chaos, but from what I gather this is fairly normal.

I'm doing ok. I love her with every fiber of my being, and yet I still have moments of "oh my gosh, what have we done!" Shifting your idea of self is always so very hard, and it seems even more difficult when you start to layer in guilt on top of it. I remember feeling a similar disorientation after both my cross-world moves...a period of floundering and redefining. A short little period of mourning for my "old" life, even though frankly, this new life is pretty darned great.

So there you go. A brief update from the land of poopy diapers, gassy baby smiles, a completely chaotic schedule, and long days of staring at my gorgeous girl's little face/hands/feet/chicken legs in wonder.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Oh! The tears...

Friday evening D handed over a red box wrapped in white ribbon. Inside was a beautiful silver heart imprinted with "maman je t'aime" on a silver chain. The card enclosed read:

I love my mummy with all my heart!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

The cutest 3 day old feets ever...

We called her Yello Nello.....

Holy Boobs Batman!

My milk is in and my boobs are enormous, hot, stinging, and just....tremendous. Not long ago, turning over in bed was a feat due to the enormous it's the enormous boobs that take special negotiating.

We are doing alright. Nell's a pretty cute little baby, and is as good as she can be for being just a tiny 5 days old. We had a rough night last night with my huge leaking boobs, and her leaking diapers. But, we'll get there.

She's been given the all clear on her jaundice...finally. It took another trip to the hospital, for another blood test, which meant re-admitting her for that. A couple hours later, we had the advice that her bili levels were on the way down and she didn't need to be admitted or be sent home with a bili blanket. So, that was good news...though it really wore us out for the day.

She's down for a nap, so I should be too. I've got tons of cute pictures to torture you with, we just need to get them off the camera and onto the PC before I can share.

It's tough being a baby.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Guess who's finally here?

Nell arrived at 3:40 pm, May 6. She was 8 lbs 6 oz, 20. 5 inches long. She's gorgeous and we are absolutely over the moon. She's a bit yellow at the moment, and that delayed us a bit at the hospital, but we are happily home now.

My induction was delayed by a day due to the hospital being absolutly full when we showed up May 4. On May 5, in the evening I started on cervidil. At 7 am May 6, I had very little progress, but at least my cervix had effaced. Pitocin was started at 7 am, at about 7.45 am I felt a horrific thunk on my cervix, and immediate excruciating back pain. It is like nothing I've ever felt, even when I was layed up with my back injury last year. I was absolutley in a panic and in horrific pain. Contractions were on top of each other, and I just couldn't catch my breath/stop throwing up/ or stop screaming. Even with no dilation, my doctor ordered an immediate epidural. I was upset, anticipating this would mean a sure csection, but to our surprise, by two pm, after napping all morning... my nurses said I was ready to push.

After the epidural I no longer felt any of the back labor I had experienced, and Nell was born after only 45 minutes of pushing.

She's gorgeous, and we just couldn't be happier. She's a bit jaundiced, and we are working hard on the breast feeding.

Thanks for all the good wishes.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

It's 4:45 in the morning...

and surprise! I can't sleep. I woke up about 4 am. I need to call the hospital in about 20 minutes to make sure they have a bed for me tonight.

I'm having a little freak out.

You know. About things.

First and foremost. Am I wimping out by taking the induction? Maybe I should have soldiered on for another week or however long she was going to take? You know, bravely continued with my back exploding and my feet all blue and purple and just the ugh in general. Maybe she is just happy in there and needed a few more days. Maybe I'm going to be punished now with a horrific labor. Maybe I deserve it.

Secondly. Ugh. Can I call a do over on this? I looked around at my little family last night and almost wept because I love my little family just fine how it is, and what if she hates us? What if I can't do this "mothering" thing? Everything is going to change and what if? what if? what if? All our little routines, you know, how D gets up early every morning and brings Bess and Olls downstairs, while Rubes, Sam and I sleep in.... or how we go for walks or to the park at night, each of us with two dogs in tow... or how we can spontaneously decide what we are eating for dinner and only need to please the two of us ... or how we can hermit together an entire weekend and just not see anyone else and be perfectly happy doing that.... all that is going to change. I am terrible terrible terrible with change.

Thirdly, what if something goes terribly wrong? What if by forcing Nell out early she suffers some sort of terrible injury? What if I do? Will she be mad the rest of her life that I couldn't just suck it up and wait for her on her own time?

(How many times can I use "terrible" in one post?)

I've not been in a hospital since I was 2 years old getting my tonsils out. I'm not a "sick" type person. I don't do dependency well. What if I can't do it? I've failed miserably being a "stay at home" patient, I hope I'm not a horrific hospital patient.

And,oh my god, the hormones. Seriously.
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