Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Mmmm...chocolate syrup

I'm not one for sweet things usually, but the last few days have found me liking chocolate syrup. A lot.

D just made me a warm chocolate milk...and guess what?

I totally felt the baby move just this moment.

I really did. I had suspicions before, but this was obvious.

Looks like I'm not the only one that is liking chocolate syrup right now.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

My Mother In Law

Let's face it, everyone wishes they had a mother in law like mine. If you are a guy, then you wish she was your mum. You do. No one can convince me otherwise. (My father in law is quite alright himself.)

My mother in law is one of the kindest and most wonderful women I've ever known. She has that way about her. You know. That way. That is, she's the type that never raises her voice. In fact, when she gets calm and quiet (when you would otherwise expect a human to scream), everyone, including the dog, gets very scared. She's just that way.

(That way being exactly the way I am not. I'm not gracious. I'm not kind. I'm not calm under pressure. I am totally disorganized and I never think about making things look "nice." Sufficient is about as good as it gets with me. In fact, I have no idea why her son married someone as retarded as I get sometimes, seeing as he grew up with a totally competent, feminine, nurturing female in his life. Oh, that's right...he's a pain in the bum (a very nice looking one, but a pain nevertheless)...and no organized, calm, even tempered woman would tolerate it as I do. Right?)

At the same time, she once took me aside when D was being a complete dickface and said something like "Oh love, I did the best I could with him. He is being a complete shit. But, remember I had the three of them. If I can live through it, I'm sure you'll do just fine." That was right before she went and boxed him in the ear.

I once threatened to get up the duff just to FORCE them to come visit us again. In fact, the scheme is working. They are scheduled for a 2005 comeback tour! Hoorah!

She's been an angel through these awful weeks. I always feel like a whinger when I talk to her knowing how difficult her pregnancies were (ie. D's older brother and sister are both adopted, and her pregnancy with him was quite awful from what I gather) but, she's been most understanding and encouraging. And, she keeps me supplied with the things I've needed from 'home' thus far. Early on, I really wanted vegemite (which we can longer find in the shops around here) and berocca...I had a misguided hope that the vitamin B would help with the nausea (for the record it did not, and D has absolutely obliterated the first shipment of vegemite already.) She also sends strategic shipments of cherry ripes. Love her.

Lately, the one thing in the world that I'm hanging out to eat continually is Samboy's Atomic Tomato Chips. I don't know why. That is just the way it is. A major lust for the tomato sauce chips, with a minor craving for twisties (not cheetohs). Last week, a box arrived in the mail filled with fun size bags of samboy's atomic tomato chips and twisties (and some vegemite for D). I wept.

They were gone in less than a week.

I'm waiting for the new shipment.

Monday, November 22, 2004

I'm itchy and no amount of lotions (fancy or otherwise) are making a lick of difference.

That is all.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Ok, I admit it...

I've been in a total funk. This being pregnant bizzo has been more difficult than I ever imagined. No, not physically difficult, though it is that. Believe me, I know I've had it "easy" so far. Feeling unwell is a pain, but it's not exactly a crisis. But it's been difficult during the time of year when I traditionally have my "questioning" months. It is in this first press of darkness in fall/winter that I traditionally grow impatient with my life/situation/current reality.

Generally, this is a time of re-prioritizing, re-organizing, and re-strategizing. The result of this usual period of turmoil is a new calm over those things that I can't change (or daren't change), and a re-focus on where I want to go next.

This pod business has put me in a bit of a spin. I have no way of actually articulating, even to myself, what the future may hold for us and the pod. I mean, I have general ideas of day to day living things, but I have no yardstick on which to goal set for myself as a parent. Me. A parent. A mom. I just can't imagine it now, I mean, yes...I can imagine certain aspects of it...but I can't imagine who I'll be then, versus who I am now.

So on top of my normal annual funkiness and pondering on what the next year/years will bring I have this great big unknown to try to get my brain wrapped around. It's been hard. I will, at times, almost forget I'm pregnant...and then remember suddenly...like waking up from a deep sleep and realizing I'm an hour late already. I feel so unprepared, and so unable to figure out how to prepare.

Everyone I've shared this with, that are already parents have told me it will resolve itself...but I'm a girl that likes to plan and visualize and understand in advance.

It's put me ina bit of a contemplative mood.

PS. Something else that made me sad....today D and I noticed a funky smell in the house. At first I thought it was just my normal overly sensitive sense of smell (thank you pod.) But no, D smelled it too. He described it as a rotten meat smell...

Well, he was kind of right...there hidden in the folds of the dog bed was a dead squirrel. Poor squirrley. We don't know which one of the formidable foursome dispatched it, but we hope it was quick. It wasn't ripped to pieces, in fact, there were no visible external wounds. And, it hadn't been dead too long, probably an hour or two at most.

It had been excessively licked, it was soaking wet. As if one of them had groomed it obsessesively after death? Sorry little guy.

I know the dogs didn't do it to be horrible, it is in their nature (well, especially Ruby's nature), but it made me sad for the little squirrel.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

That's it!

The pod is already officially in trouble with me. I've been patient! I have. Yesterday I decided was the day to try yet again to stop taking my vomit pills altogether, and how was I rewarded this morning? My morning shredded wheat came back faster than it had gone down.

Sigh.

Pod. You are officially grounded.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Silence

So, come on pod....any day now I'm supposed to be able to feel you wiggling around...so what are you waiting for?

Monday, November 08, 2004

Things I Learned in the First Trimester

I've graduated. I'm moving on!

So, what did I learn in the first few months of pregnancy?

1. Being pregnant is pretty awful feeling. Yes, it is also fascinating in a science experiment sort of way...but the truth is, there really is no apparent external sign of the alleged child that is on it's way...you just feel pretty crummy for weeks on end.
2. I'm tempering other women's experience through a new "pregnancy" filter. So, when women tell me, "Oh you will feel GREAT during your second trimester!" I'm begining to understand that this is relative. You don't feel GREAT in a pre-pregnancy sort of way. You just feel better than the horror that has been your waking moments for the past couple of months.
3. No. You truly have never been constipated before. Trust me on this. There is constipated, and then there is "I'm pregnant and I can't take a shit" constipated.
4. Tylenol is SFA.
5. Time seems to be crawling along, whilst moving at hyper-forward speed all at once. In one moment I'll think "boring, I'm ready to see a lump or something" and in the next moment I'm thinking "whoa, slow this down, I don't know if I'll be ready for this in time."
6. Baby gear is huge, space sucking in its hulk. We bought a stroller this weekend and it GIAGANTIC. And scary. And, so REAL.

and most ENORMOUSLY of all:
7. Your pre-pregn ancy self is well and truly gone forever. Already. Not that you should lay down and weep and mourn it, it is just that you are now a different you. From now on you make every decision (from what you put into your mouth, to health insurance, to consumer purchases, to even slowly changing your current schedule in hopes of making that transition in May a bit easier) with a different set of criteria than before. You think about how your vote in a national election could possibly affect the life of your child. You think about things like schools (well, especially in our case as we've already decided that we do not our kid to go to school in this country) and where you want to be living in five years time when school becomes an issue. Your entire context has shifted and, really, it's ok...it's just different and weird and, well, just absolutely no longer who you used to be.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Cocktails!

I have developed a deep love affair with mineral water, on the rocks, with lots of fresh lime. It's kind of out of control. I could drink it non-stop...but like all habits, could become quite expensive. So far I've made do with fairly cheap bubbly stuff, but I can see my obsession growing to only have the finest of agua mineral!

Meanwhile, I had a Dr's visit this week. As per the norm, it took my Dr. over a halfhour past my appt to finally make her way to see me.(I must say, I've been a bit spoiled as far as Dr's go, as my primary doctor has always been my grandfather, and he never made me wait at the kitchen table to see me.) I was a bit cross this time as they had me sit in an exam room where the choice of seating is:
1. Hard Bench
2. Table with stirrups

As you can see, there really was no choice but the bench...but man, that bench can be might uncomfortable after a half hour. I wasn't about to lay down on the table and put my feet up.

And, then the appointment lasted all of five minutes. Blood pressure is great, they found the heartbeat right away with the doppler (162 bpm), and my next appointment is in four weeks.

So, there you go.


Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Silver Lining

Today a co-worker said to me "Wow! You've really lost some weight, you look GREAT! Are you on a diet?"

I said "Yes, it's called the extreme long-term morning sickness diet!"

She was very congratulatory and surprise, she said she'd noticed I'd been losing weight lately.

I know. This will be short lived. I'll be the size of a house soon. But, for now, it is a small consolation for the weeks of feeling so off.

What I can't figure is if I look so slim, how is it all my pants are killing me now? It's not as if I am showing or have a pod-lump yet (though D reckons otherwise, but whatever).

Monday, November 01, 2004

Jumbo Shrimp!

Geez.

How boring am I lately?

Don't answer...I know. SUPER EXTRA SPECIAL SAUCE BORING.

But, dude....I'm blah. I just am. Work is maniacal lately, which, when coupled with pod related fatigue, is completely kicking my arse.

Meanwhile, the pod is allegedly doing just fine. It is now the size of a jumbo shrimp! A jumbo shrimp! I have an appointment on Thursday and will give you an update then.

I hate daylight savings. It is a retarded practice. It has screwed up my sleeping even more than it was already screwed, and that coupled with the no significantly shortened day is going to send me into into even more blah-ness.
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