Thursday, February 10, 2005

Disturbing Fixations

I hadn't to date experienced the legendary cravings that people speak of pregnant women having, but lately I think I'm edging in that general direction.

For the most part, when I have a craving for something that is either inconvenient (ie. unavailable in my immediate vicinity) or unhealthy, I can generally wait it out until it passes. But, these cravings are no more intense or "weird" than cravings I would get in a non-pregnant state. Back in the days before the pod, I would generally crave foodie-esque things. Things like gorgeous goat cheese, olives and stoneground wheat crackers. If I could be bothered, and what I was craving wasn't hideously unhealthy, I'd usually indulge said craving. D and I love to cook and love to eat yummy foods. So, he and I were both usually in agreement about what we were craving, and generally it was some sort of exotic food or a certain preparation of food.

The beginning part of my pregnancy was one long stretch of feeling unwell and, frankly, craving not eating anything at all. The very thought of food (generic) would start me retching. I subsisited on a group of foods I'd discovered were tolerable to eat (ie. bland and easy to swallow quickly) and also tolerable to vomit if necessary (note: Rice is a hideous thing to vomit). This very limited list included mashed potato, mac and cheese (the cheap boxed kind), toast (sometimes), plain buttered pasta and bland cereals. I could also handle a piece of fruit here and there, usually banana. Oh! And straight lime juice.

When the nausea finally abated around Christmas, I cautiously began to eat more of a variety of things. I still have moments when the thought of certain foods will start me into the pre-retch spits. But, generally I've been doing ok with eating. If anything, I've noticed I have less interest in food in general than I do in my non-pregnant state so I'm not going crazy with the eating or anything like that.

The last couple weeks I've noticed that I'm suddenly getting a couple intense and regular cravings. Usually it's for a general flavor of things, and usually I crave salty or sour flavors. Those are easy to fulfil, club soda with lime usually alleviates this quite easily. But, more recently, I've developed what I'm calling "trashy" food cravings.

I'm talking about a serious craving for sitting down with a jar of cheez whiz (tepid) and a spoon and going to town. I know, I know, that is hideous. So far, I've resisted the urge. I even went to the shop one day feeling defeated and out of control and NEEDING cheez whiz like I'd never needed it before. I even picked a jar of it up and had a little talk with myself, and was able to put the jar back down and walk away. I battle the cheez whiz urge on an almost on a daily basis.

Unfortunately, I haven't done so well with the other trashy craving I've had. It is technically not a food, and it is definitely without nutritional merit. Intant iced tea (with lemon and real sugar). You know, the powdered stuff in a can. I'm fixated. I think it is a throw back to my childhood as this was one main drink always available in my home as a kid. There was always a fresh pitcher of it in the fridge. I wonder if this is a Mexican thing? As the event that triggered my obsession with it was actually going over to have dinner at our mexican neighbour's house where everyone was drinking beer or sangrita, but this pregnant person laid claim to the entire pitcher of instant iced tea.

My fixation on the stuff has gotten such that I bought a can and brought it to work, and, seriously, first thing in the morning I think "Thank god it's morning, now I can go to work and drink my iced tea!"

It's disturbing.


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