Thursday, April 28, 2005


Guess who just landed herself on bedrest until delivery?

I told you! See?

My vagina really is trying to kill me.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

My Artistique Friend

Browneye, this is for you:

I would consider
I would like to consider
I hope to soon consider
without a life preserver in sight.
That is
I mean to say
I will dance! dance I tell you!
the moment my pelvis stops cracking open
opening like a bony flower
except a lot more painful
and with no macro shots to capture the terrific beauty of it all.

My vagina is trying to kill me.

That is all.


No, I"m sorry, that was crude. Let me make it more poetic for you:


Monday, April 25, 2005

Full Moon =


Which is ok. Or not. Depending on what moment you ask me about it.

I'm in two minds about this most of the time. So excited to meet her, yet...not so sure I'm ready for this.

At any moment I'm begging her to go ahead and make her appearance, while at the same time pleading that she gives me just a little while longer in my current life of not yet being a mum.

I'm feeling scattered and apprehensive and excited and all sorts.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Nell Watch Update

Dr's appointment this morning indicated that everything is GREAT! I have great pee! I have great blood pressure! Nell's heartbeat is GREAT ! (162 bpm).

She is apparently very very happy in her warm little nest. So happy that she refuses to put her head down in my pelvis. Instead it is lodged in the area right under my bellybutton which has resulted in very painful stretch marks (as of last week) that get no relief due to her constant head butting. It's AWESOME!

In fact, she is still so high up in my uterus, my doctor did a quick peek ultrasound this morning just to make sure that big lump causing the excruciation below my belly button was indeed her head. It is. She is really really comfy, with her big bum pushing on my right ribs and her feet kicking around to the left. Also, she has a huge looking head (at least to me), and for a baby that was so shy at twenty weeks....she no longer is shy about flashing her labia.

She's so high up my doctor (again) didn't bother with the vag salute. Why bother when it is apparent that she's not dislodging herself any time soon.

I expect she'll be a very punctual baby, not too soon and not too late. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she arrives on her due date. If she doesn't, she'll have two weeks max after her due date to vacate before being forced out.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005


I feel like shit today. I'm tired, I'm crampy, I'm walking like I have some sort of injury.... and Nell wouldn't even let me lay on my tummy in the chiropractor's special tummy-less bed for my massage.


Plus, it feels humid and heavy outside....and I think summer is settling in here in the woody swamps of the Houston burbs.


I have officially reached critical BMG mode (that's Bad Mood Girl for all of you that don't know D slang).

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

VPL? Forget about it.

I've moved on from abhorring VPL. I am now down to a very limited amount of clothing I can wear, and most of it is only tolerably comfortable.

My wardrobe reality is all a matter of visible lines/seams. The line across my gut which is the waist of my pants straining against my just barely long enough still shirt. The visible seams of my new fashionable maternity bras against the same barely still fitting shirts. As for panty line? Who knows, I don't have the courage to actually look at how my ass appears at the moment, all I know is it can't be great.

I am one hot sexy mamma!

Monday, April 18, 2005

A good day for a birthday...

I tried to convince Nell that today would be a great day for her birthday, as it is her father's birthday as well.

So far, it doesn't look like my argument convinced her to come early.

Friday, April 15, 2005

I can see the future!

As I wrote to allison this morning.....I realized I could write myself a fortune cookie style fortune, and I'd be totally 100% psychically right! That fortune would read:

In a few short weeks you will meet one of the greatest loves of your life.

So exciting!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

37 week appointment

I avoided a vag salute. Doctor said why poke when most likely nothing is happening, and even if something is happening, it doesn't mean imminent labor etc. Everything "looks good," that is to say good BP, good heart tones (Nell), clear pee.

Got my "walking papers" for the Nell can come anytime now.

I fully expect her to stay tucked up nice and high (ow my poor upper uterus/ribs) until the bitter end.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

It's been a stellar day!

1. I slept in! Do you realize what that means? I actually slept, restfully and deeply for a period of several hours early this morning! This is a rare occurrence as of late.
2. I came back from lunch to find a packet of peeps on my desk. AWESOME. Semi-stale peeps are one of life's pleasures. I love my co-worker!
3. My favourite chiropractor of all time is "in network" for my health insurance as of Friday! I've already scheduled an appointment with glee!

Monday, April 11, 2005

Woman sees face of Jesus on ultrasound picture

Things I learned this weekend:

After childbirth class and coffee with SJ and her charming daugher I have set the following goals for my "labor experience:"

1. Healthy baby
2. Survival

Friday, April 08, 2005

Childbirth Class

Tomorrow we go to an all day childbirth class. Note: I have the attention span of a flea.

Upside: as of tomorrow night I will be a total expert on all things birth related, though I have no real life experience. Kind of like the MBA students my company keeps interviewing for an open position in my group. They know everything, but have actually done zippo in the real world.


Thursday, April 07, 2005

Beg your pardon? (Um, off topic again) - Daylight-saving time may be extended

Maybe I'm the one that is stupid, but could someone explain to me:
1. How changing your clocks = more daylight during the course of a day. Does changing your clock significantly alter the angle of the earth vis a vis the sun? That's AWESOME! I have the power to change the way the earth moves seasonally by merely changing the time on my watch? WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAA!

2. Even if you somehow magically have more daylight (let's just play happy pretend on that issue for a moment), how does this = less electricity use? More daylight round these parts = more sun generated heating, hours of pounding sun on the house = more AC. Also, I've yet to meet a person who doesn't use lights in their house while it's daylight out. Finally, light bulbs are such a miniscule part of overall electrical load, this is totally irrelevant.

3. Why is it that the transportation department (vs.oh I don't know, a more relevant department such as the department of energy) is the one that has come up with a study that claims that we would save 10,000 barrels of oil a day? They are suggesting extending daylight hours magically by changing your wristwatch? You know, being the transportation department and all, I wonder if a study showing how shorter commutes, or more efficient vehicles, or more public transport infrastructure might impact oil use wouldn't have been more effective/believable?

4. 10,000 barrels of oil a day on the 20 million used daily. NOW THAT'S SOME SAVINGS FOLKS!!!!!! A half of a half of a percent! Given that we believe that by the power of changing our clocks, we will somehow have more daylight hours a day, and that somehow more daylight = less electrical load....that half of a half of percent is a result that you just CANNOT BEAT. Who needs hybrid cars, or other strategies to lessen our dependency on fossil fuels!?!

Thank god the polis are working hard for us! I will rest easy tonight knowing that they are working very diligently (on the salaries we pay for) to provide really good hard-hitting solutions for every denizen of this land!

(PS. I think we should just decide what time it is, and then just stick with it instead of all this chopping and changeing, but am agog at this article. AGOG I tell you.)

Oh yeah, betcha he just can't wait - Russell Yates may want to start new family

You know, as it was such a success last go round.....

Return of the Vag Salute

Today was the first of my now-weekly appointments, and the first of the series of pelvic know checking progress.

I can confirm, I still LOATHE the vag salute. LOATHE.

The update? Nell is still tucked up nice and high, the old cervix is ripening (or thinning) or something, and there's nothing else doing...except weight gain and back pain.

She can now officially come at any time, and the doctor wouldn't try to stop labour. She is still head down and bum up. Convenient, as I plan to start corporal punishment beginning now. A spank a day keeps the brattiness away right? (kidding people! kidding! But she still is already grounded due to the twenty week ultrasound shenanigans, and am considering docking her pocket money for every excruciating punch to the cervix).

She and I are going to have a little talk tonight about how, although I prefer judicious punctuality, she is welcome to make an early appearance.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Reaching a milestone...

The maternity bras I ordered arrived yesterday.


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